Written March 14, 2016
I’m so thankful to have time to spend with Jesus today. Due to circumstances in our life I have been praying without ceasing lately. Truly battling for the ones I love in prayer.
However, as the Lord has been doing great things in these situations, I have done what I so often do when things start looking up. I’ve relaxed. Stopped praying. Stepped out of His word for a few days.
Surely God would understand if I just want to watch television, eat ice cream and dare I mention the mountain of Girl Scout cookies that have found their way into my pantry. Sweet little bite sized morsels of goodness. Why wouldn’t I kick back and indulge? Haven’t I earned it?
After all, I have been so faithful lately in my study time and prayer and on top of that I have gotten so much accomplished at home. It makes perfect sense that I would want to look at Instagram a little longer. What will it hurt if during my time of Bible reading I choose to instead pick up my phone to play one more game? Let me tell you, those bubbles need to be popped and I feel like just the person to do it.
Never mind that my husband has a very important meeting today that will greatly impact him and our girl is going to job shadow for her potential new employers. Then there’s our son and his sweet family who just packed up and moved into a new place with our daughter in law being 8 full months pregnant and their three little ones having to move from the only home they remember. What about the young man we know who is waiting in obedience to hear from the Lord and is walking out his faith in a brand new way. Or have I mentioned the fact that my husband was able to walk and work around the house this weekend when his disease has been stealing more and more of his strength and hope in recent days.
It seems silly as I write this, that I would have chosen counterfeit pleasures over prayer. That mindless activities would seem more appropriate than praise for the One who is moving mountains on our behalf.
Now before I lose you, let me assure you that this is not about self condemnation, or earning our way into God’s good graces. Neither is it an endorsement to stop praying and pursuing Jesus when the whim strikes us out of the knowledge that He will be continuing to work in our lives even when we aren’t seeking Him with our whole hearts.
Instead, I want to praise Jesus for something new He is showing me. As I sat with Him today, I was tempted to focus on what I can see as failure. An opening for the enemy to whisper to me all the ways I disappoint, all the ways I fall short. I toyed with the notion that I couldn’t dare ask Him to meet with me this morning when I had chosen by an act of my will to not be with Him.
To my joy and surprise my Jesus didn’t accuse me of letting Him down at all. He reminded me of how much He loves me. Rather than condemnation, He showed me that when I am unfaithful He remains faithful for He cannot deny Himself. (2 Timothy 2:13 ESV). I was tempted to not pray because I am not worthy of Him, yet He gently led me forward. I asked His forgiveness for not paying much attention to Him the last few days and He invited me to rest in the fact that He does forgive me. That He in fact died for my forgiveness and the power of His shed blood on the cross saves me and makes me new every day. He then began to reveal to me all the mighty ways He is actively working in my prayers.
So today I praise Him for a new victory. I thank Him for being faithful in the lives of the people I’m praying for because each one is precious to Him. I’m grateful that He doesn’t call me to prayer by guilt but rather by His great love and my desire to be in His presence. I am humbled by His goodness and His tender care for my wavering heart.
My hope is that this would serve as an encouragement the next time the accuser would try to keep you from Jesus based on your own ~ did or did nots. Remember my friend, we are able to come boldly before the throne of grace because our Jesus has made the way for us. He is the only one worthy. The ONLY one worthy.
As the rain pours outside my window it feels like the washing away of the lies to make room for His truth. It feels like a call to be made new and to start fresh.
It feels like love.